Back when I was trying to believe in a God who chooses some for love and some for destruction, it was difficult to get on board. At the time, I thought it was because I had too much sadness for all those others who would spend their lives separate from me. All those drug dealers and prostitutes and grandparents who didn’t go to church. Meanwhile, I would spend Sunday mornings working myself Chosen to death, next to the greedy, the guileless, the molesting.
I think what I knew then is what I know now: that if this is true, that some are Chosen, then it is something I can believe whole heartedly, but only if I believe that I am not, in fact, one of the Chosen.
I know there are more out there like me.
All these heavenly strings attached, maybe it’s better to be the vessel for destruction, anyway. A vessel implies an opening, after all. And anyone who leaves themselves open for destruction can also be open to the ripping heart Destroyer of love. No zippers keeping us inward and upward and compact for God. Just fluid beings bumping into the just and unjust, trying to find a way to make it work right here, right now.